Grocery fic
by watagashi
Summary: Just one boy shopping is bad enough...but all of them plus Sarah and Lene?


Grocery Fic # 2679(Clean up on Isle 0.5 )  
  
By Lene  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing. Yet.  
  
Wufei: Why is there no milk? I thought I told you to get a gallon of 2%  
  
Heero: (eating dry cereal) I did. A week ago.  
  
Duo: I told you we needed more last night.  
  
Wufei: Oh, forget it. I'll just make eggs.  
  
Duo: We're out of those, too.  
  
Wufei: Dammit, Maxwell! Why must you eat so much?  
  
Quatre: But Wufei, we haven't had eggs for a month.  
  
Sarah: You're out of cheese, too.  
  
Wufei: Will someone please explain to me why we have no milk, eggs, bread, or cheese, but about 60 Dole's fruit cups?  
  
Lene: It's not a bachelor's pad without it. It's the police woman's helmet and the suspenders that I don't understand.  
  
Wufei: That's it! We're going grocery shopping! (Trowa raises his hand and opens his mouth as if he is about to say something, but frowns and changes his mind. Someone throws a rubber chicken at him.)  
  
Duo: Ok, but I need to use my fake i.d. The restraining order hasn't been removed yet.  
  
Lene: Can't take you anywhere, can I?  
  
@$@ ^#^ *&* ^()^ at the market ^()^ *&* ^#^ @$@  
  
Sarah: (in the dairy isle) MOO!  
  
Wufei: Silence, woman! You are not a cow!  
  
Sarah: Says you! (Someone throws cheese at her. She picks it up) CHEESE! Plain cheddar, sharp cheddar, American, munster, swiss, brie, blue, monteray jack, pepper jack, mozzerella.PIZZA CHEESE!  
  
Heero: Pizzas are good.  
  
Sarah: (Someone throws butter at her. She picks it up) LOOK! BUTTER!!  
  
Heero: Butter dosen't go on a pizza.  
  
Wufei: Don't waste your time on that onna. (Someone throws an empty milk jug and an empty milk carten at him. He picks up the jug.)  
  
Sarah: Oh, don't get that milk.  
  
Wufei: What's wrong with this milk?  
  
Sarah: It's that milk.  
  
Heero: (stage whisper) I think she means she wants the other milk. (Sarah starts to hug him, but changes her mind.)  
  
Wufei: Yeah, well tough. This is the milk we're getting.  
  
Sarah: No, no, no, Wufei. You are going to buy the other milk.  
  
Heero: Maybe you should, Wufei.  
  
Wufei: No! We're getting this milk! I will not bow to a woman! Women are weak!  
  
Sarah: Oh, yeah? Well, it's MY TIME OF THE MONTH AGAIN I WILL HAVE MY MILK!!!!  
  
Wufei: Ok. (puts down the jug and picks up the carton.) Here you go.  
  
Sarah: Ye-ay! (Frolics happily away. The boys look at each other, shrug, and follow.)  
  
* * * ( ( ( in produce ( ( (* * *  
  
Quatre: Maybe we should get some apples. (seveal apples are thrown at him)  
  
Trowa: (smiling slightly) You're the apple of my eye, Quatre.  
  
Duo: Oh, quit making out. I want grannysmiths!  
  
Quatre: 'Cause you're a sourpuss.  
  
Lene: I think he's a golden dilicious.  
  
Trowa: (laughing as Duo blushes) Now he's a red dilicious!  
  
Quatre: I want the shiny red one.  
  
Duo: I want the bright green one.  
  
Trowa: Let's get the little yellow one.  
  
Lene: Dude! PINEAPPLE! (A pineapple is thrown at her)  
  
Quatre: It's really sweet of you to keep the peace, Trowa.  
  
Trowa: (putting an arm around Quatre) That's 'cause I'm chock full of love!  
  
Duo: Come to think of it, we've got enough fruit in the house. (discreetly points at Quatre and Trowa.) Let's go.  
  
Lene: You get the eggs, I'll get the bread. Grab whatever looks good and meet me in the candy isle! (Duo and Lene race off. Trowa and Quatre notice they are alone and gather up the apples before leaving)  
  
~$$~frozen food~$$~  
  
Sarah: Heero, gaze upon your pizza! (she points to the ground in front of her. A pizza box is thrown over her head, landing behind her. She turns around and points to it.)  
  
Heero: Frozen pizzas are good.  
  
Wufei: They are designed for the weak who cannot make their own pizza!  
  
Heero: I thought they were just a quicker and more convenient way of eating pizza.  
  
Sarah: If you're so great, CHANG, then let's see the pizza YOU made!!  
  
Wufei: Ummm.(picks up the frozen pizza box) Here it is! (Heero and Sarah stare at him. He sighs and hands the box to Heero, sulkily following them offstage.) I thought I could fool at least one of you with that trick.  
  
Duo: (entering, pulling Wufei along. Duo is holding an egg carton) Quick, Wufei, help me! What kind of ice cream do girls like?  
  
Wufei: Get off, Maxwell! How should I know what women like? Women are weaklings.  
  
Duo: Tsk, tsk. You'll never get a girlfriend with that kind of attitude.  
  
Wufei: Your mouth is too big, Maxwell.  
  
Duo: Aw, lighten up Wuffie. I was just kidding.  
  
Wufei: What did you call me?  
  
Duo: Wuffie Wuffie Wuffie.  
  
Wufei: Don't call me that, Maxwell. If you call me that again, I will stab you with my katana.  
  
Duo: I'm not afraid of your butterknife! Wuffie Wuffie Wuffie!  
  
Wufei: Butterknife?! INJUSTICE!!!!  
  
Duo: Watcha gonna do about it?  
  
Wufei: I'll show you! (The two of them bring their fists up as fight music plays. Then they start girly slapping each other.)  
  
Duo: Is that the best you've got?  
  
Wufei: Have some Justice, weakling!  
  
Duo: (as they separate) Wuffie Wuffie Wuffie! Can't catch me! (runs away, trampling the eggs. Wufei runs afer him.)  
  
~~!Bakery!~~  
  
Lene: So he runs screaming out of the house, and-(a bag of cookies is thrown onto the stage.) COOKIES!!!  
  
Sarah: Dude! Cookies!  
  
Heero: Cookies are good.  
  
Sarah: I want a cookie. Can I have a cookie, Heero?  
  
Heero: Okay. (a bag of cookies is thrown at Heero. He picks it up and hands it to Sarah.) Here you are.  
  
Sarah: Yay! Thank you, Heero. (starts to hug him, but changes her mind)  
  
Lene: Hey, Heero, what kind of cookie is Duo's favorite?  
  
Heero: He eats them too fast to care.  
  
Lene: OK. (picks up the first bag of cookies) Hey, has anyone seen Duo? (Duo runs behind them, throwing odd objects (toothbrush, rubber duckie, socks, a rubber chicken, and a pie.) at Wufei. They pass out of sight.)  
  
Sarah: No. (several oddly-dressed people come on stage and pick up the objects. One of them puts a pie in Heero's face. He dosen't seem to notice. They walk away.)  
  
Quatre: (entering with Trowa) Hello, everyone!  
  
Sarah: Hello.  
  
Heero: Is the mission complete?  
  
Trowa: No.  
  
Voice that is heard and not seen: Clean up on isle 5. And 7. And 3. And 10. And 6. Security to isle 4. Thank you.  
  
Lene: You're welcome.  
  
Heero: Isn't this isle 4?  
  
Duo: (chaseing Wufei with a large carrot.) THE GOD OF DEATH IS BACK FROM HELL!  
  
Wufei: No! Injustice! (odd objects are thrown onto the stage.)  
  
Lene: Oh my.  
  
Sarah: That's not good, I'm not happy.  
  
Quatre: (eyes brimming with tears) Nonononononononononono! You shouldn't fight! Peace is the way, not war! (hugs Trowa) This is so saaaaaaaaad!  
  
Heero: Come, Sarah. We should go before security shows up. (three oddly- dressed people come up belowing "SECURITY" at the top of their lungs. Duo stops chasing Wufei. Wufei stops running. There is complete silence for one second. Then all of our friends start running, and the security guards chase them off stage. A random person comes on stage with a broom and takes care of any mess that was left there.)  
  
Heero: (running back on stage with the rest of the crew.) Did we lose them?  
  
Trowa: I think we did.  
  
Wufei: If it weren't for this weakling, (pushes Duo) we could have finished our shopping by now!  
  
Lene: (putting an arm around Duo, who puts an arm around her as well) Aw, shut up, Wufei. It was mostly you're fault.  
  
Wufei: The injustice!  
  
Heero: Are you all right, Miss Sarah?  
  
Sarah: Um.yeah.  
  
Heero: (holding out a bag of cookies) These are yours.  
  
Sarah: Oh, Thank you, Heero. ( starts to hug him, but changes her mind)  
  
Heero: You've been doing that for the whole play.  
  
Sarah: I know. I'm sorry. I just-(she shuts up as Heero hugs her)  
  
Heero: (letting go) Isn't that what you were trying to do?  
  
Sarah: I FEEL LOVED! (throws her arms around Heero, then lets go and frolics happilly away)  
  
Heero: I will never understand that girl. (follows her)  
  
Wufei: If you could have controlled yourself and acted civil-  
  
Duo: Aw, give it a rest, Wufei. I never act civil.  
  
Lene: I love you anyway.  
  
Wufei: The injustice of you weaklings-  
  
Duo: I don't think we have to listen to this racket.  
  
Lene: Yeah, let's get out of Justice-boy's sight. (she and Duo leave)  
  
Wufei: ( staring after them in anger) DON'T CALL ME JUSTICE-BOY! (storms off in the opposite direction.)  
  
Quatre: They should really learn to accept peace.  
  
Trowa: They might hurt themselves some day. (Quatre looks at Trowa. Trowa looks at Quatre. They smile at each other, and walk away holding each other's hands)  
  
The end 


End file.
